Some of us were out doing some back country skiing one day and somehow, I can remember why, relationship counseling came up. No doubt one of the group had announced that either they or some other couple we all knew of had been doing it. This is typically the way people get you ready for a future breakup. It doesn't say it's over but it does sort of let you know that it's quite likely. It's a good thing to do because once you're a couple other people start counting on you to remain a couple. Even if it is just the reassurance value of knowing that your friends are still making it go, you lose something when they break up.
You don't lose as much as they do but you lose something.
Except for it being a mixed group and not just men, it had a sort of Hemingway feeling about it. We'd climbed a hill where there had used to be a commercial ski resort but it had gone out of business because it had only about thousand feet vertical and that isn't enough to attract the paying customers anymore in this part of the country. Once upon a time, and we all remembered when, the place had been full of people from the city every weekend. Now we stood at the top of the longest run looking down at an awful lot of absolutely pure, deep powder. You take a few moments to capture your breath before tearing into an experience like that.
No one said a word for a little while after this announcement. Then Joel decided to tell a story about someone he knew who'd had a funny experience with relationship counseling. Maybe he thought it would break the tension the big announcement had left behind.
It was the very first session and the counselor asked them both what had brought them there. The woman spoke first. She explained that she'd been in this relationship a few years and she wanted to get married and have children. The problem was that the guy wasn't ready to "make a commitment". Those were the words she used. She'd recently brought the subject up again and he'd agreed it was time to get married but kept putting her off when she wanted to talk about definite plans.
The counselor turned to the guy and asked him what he had to say to that. The guy started to talk directly to the woman but the counselor insisted that he talk towards him so the guy did. He explained that he was in favour of getting married but he just wanted a little time to get used to the idea. It was a big step and he just needed to adjust to it. He went on about why he felt this way at some length.
The counselor then turned to the woman and asked her what she thought of that. She thought it made sense. The guy had never put it that way before; he'd shown hesitation before but had never explained the feelings behind the hesitation. Now that she'd heard that she felt better.
The counselor nodded sagely a few times and then asked her, "But do you believe him?"
And she said, "You're right. He's never going to make a commitment. We've been through this crap for a decade now." And she kept talking and talking about it. After that the counselor kept trying to steer the conversation back to some sort of reconciliation but she kept making the same point and getting more conviction in her voice each time. By the end of the session, Joel concluded, the relationship was over. And we all laughed.
I was having a chilled white port in front of a hot fire with the Serpentine One late that night when she said, "I don't see how Joel could know that story so well without it being about him and the woman you say he used to be with?"
"Maggie?"
"Yes, Maggie. You told me that she used to complain about his never wanting to commit."
It always amazes me how much the Serpentine One remembers. If I ever tell her a lie, I'll be doomed.
"Yes, I agreed, the story must be what happened to them." I said this in a tone that implied it was all obvious but it hadn't been obvious at all to me until she'd pointed it out.
A sip or two later she said, "Do you think the counselor was really good at his job or really bad at it?" After a pause, she added, "Because it has to be one or the other."
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