Sexual signals

A final quickie: If a woman (or man, but I'm mostly interested in women) has body piercings or tattoos, the signal that sends is "Hey, I make decisions without thinking through the long term implications; I take chances and I'm weak on risk assessment." In other words, "I put out easily."

No, I don't think I am telling anyone anything they don't already know by saying this. But it might be a good idea to recognize that what you say about yourself is what you will become both for yourself and for others. If you sometimes act as if signaling "I put out easily" means "I'm sex positive and liberated and progressive," that's fine but don't change channels a few days, weeks, or months later and start talking about how men never make commitments.

As the father of a good friend of mine once said, "Pick a lane and drive in it."



PS: Some self analysis stuff. Why is it so important to signal that you are sex positive to the entire world? Trust me, I'm not complaining, I like seeing your body—especially your legs, butt and breasts—but forget about me and think about yourself: what do you really want of this? Is your sexual persona so incredibly important that it has to be permanently marked on your skin or through your nose? And so inscribed on you that you can never change your mind? Are the messages you are sending true: that is does your actual sexual experience and behaviour match up with the messages you are sending? Do you sometimes get upset when people (especially men people) treat you primarily as a sexual being?

BTW: It's up to you but it can be done the other way. That is, you could send a message to the world that says, "I'm a very intelligent and serious woman who is going to make a mark on the world and I keep my sexuality to myself thank you," and actually be "very sex positive" (for lack of a better expression) in bed. And no one would know but you and those you specifically chose to let know this. I can tell you that every day you walk by several women who do just that and do it very well.

It's an option and you will want to consider all the options. But, there are two big challenges about this option, and I mean this quite seriously.

1. It requires you to be sexual just as much for a particular someone else as for yourself. That's not easy and it requires you (and them to be sure) to stick your neck out a bit and you can get hurt that way.
2. If you confine your expressions of sex positiveness to the times you are actually having sex, well, how to put this delicately, the expression will be a function of your performance. The woman whose public persona is overtly sexual doesn't actually have to prove anything in bed; she doesn't necessarily even have to have sex at all because her persona is public not private. If you try to express your sex positiveness in an exclusive sexual relationship, on the the other hand, you will either succeed or fail and that is scary.