What we don't want to learn from pick up artists

If you've ever gone fishing with guys, you will know that a fishing trip satisfies two distinct sets of desires.

• Most obviously, it satisfies the desire to actually go fishing.
• Less obviously, it satisfies a desire men have to be recognized as a competent fisherman by other men.

And the second desire is often much stronger than the first. Pick not just fishing but any sport you like and you will find a significant subset of men in it are motivated more by the desire to successfully demonstrate competency in front of other men than by any love for the sport itself.

And oftentimes, they can and will fulfill this desire by simply talking about it with other men rather than actually doing the sport.

The parallel with sex is, I hope, so obvious I don't need to spell it out. The crucial thing is that an awful lot of sex advice is really some guy trying to establish his competency to other men. Any time you read anything (including anything I write) you want to be asking yourself, "Which of the two desires is really being satisfied here?"

It's always worth remember the anecdote about the honest stock analyst who supposedly said, "If I really knew what the market was going to do I'd be using that knowledge to make millions instead of sitting here talking to you."