Unsolicited sex advice
The video below is only funny if you think that someone being absolutely shameless is funny (warning lots of crudity, vulgar language and absolutely gratuitous cheap shots). Otherwise it is cringe-worthy. I'm in the second camp. I had to force myself to watch it all the way through and I don't recommend anyone else do the same. But watch a few minutes worth at the beginning just to get the idea of where he is going.
You won't be surprised to learn that he is divorced now.
If you didn't listen all the way, it ends with him quite literally reducing his wife to a masturbatory aid. And he thinks it's all her fault!!!
I say all her fault because I am willing to allow that it might be something of her fault. You can never be sure you really know why a marriage went wrong. But all we see in the video is a guy who is a jerk and we don't know how it got that way. But we can tell that a lot of the problem was his doing. Why? Because of what he says at the very beginning. He talks about his sexual needs in terms of pressure release. As if if all that really matters to him is that he gets to let off sexual steam. He was telling his wife that she was essentially a pressure-release valve to him. And then he wonders why she didn't play this role with enthusiasm.
There is a truth lingering here. A man's sexual desire is usually more persistent and consistent than that of the woman he is in love with. I've said before and I'm sure I'll say it again, that any woman who wants a successful relationship with a man needs to see his stronger desires as legitimate. That doesn't mean she has to do everything he wants when he wants it but she has to understand his desires and help him fulfill them and not treat him like some sort of freak for having them.
But what should she really do? Well, let me tell you what I think a woman needs to do to make it work. This all assumes he does his part too.
Let me start with something that will seem crazy: no man is ever impressed that a woman can do things that make him feel so good he has an orgasm. Never. He may think he is impressed and even say so but what really impresses him is how willing she is to do these things.
If you accept this paradox, you begin to see that the single biggest mistake a woman can make in bed is to focus too much on what she can do for him when what she needs to do to impress him sexually is to focus on her willingness, her enthusiasm, her attitude towards sex with him. And I know I've also said this before but it needs to be said again and again, women often hit a giant roadblock here because the key to their being really good in bed can look a lot like selfishness, self indulgence and even narcissism.
It seems much more "giving" to focus on outward things that you can do for him. But let me promise you something, if you do that you will eventually end up feeling that your sex life with him consists of nothing but servicing one another. And that shouldn't surprise you because "doing nice things for him" is just "servicing him" spun positively.
As crazy as this might seem, try tossing all that advice about special sexual techniques and special sexual positions. It just puts a lot of pressure on you to do exotic and difficult things when the familiar and simple things work. The most common sexual techniques—the ones you and every other woman already know how to do—are the best. That is why everyone does them. The fashion industry repeats the same limited set of tricks for women's clothing generation after generation because there really are only a limited number of ways for a woman to make herself feel beautiful. The same is true for sexual positions: most people use just two—face to face with either the man on top or woman on top—most of the time because those two are the best. Hey, what do you know there are some positives to a sexual position where I can look into the eyes and kiss the face of the person I love that you can't get in a position that looks like losing at Twister.
The most important thing a woman can do is to figure out how her mind and body works. Most especially at connecting the two so that she can know that doing and thinking certain things will make her body respond. This is the thing that women fail at. Learn to seduce yourself. Learn how the sexual things you think and sexual the things you do and the sexual ways you dress and the sexual ways you behave affect you. And be honest about and with yourself. Your self image, especially your moral self image, can lead you to pretend you like things you don't or to pretend you don't like things you really do.
You're probably not looking for anything weird or exotic. Sexual behaviour is pretty well mapped out. The trick is not figuring out how to think, move, dress and talk dirty. The trick is figuring out how to get yourself hot and bothered by doing these things. If you can't seduce yourself then no one else will be able to either.
You'll know you have it down once you can do what athletes call timing your peaks. That means getting yourself into the best state of mind and body at the best times for you to be at your peak. Weekends, birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, returns from trips, the middle of your cycle are all easy to keep track of. If today is a special occasion for you and the guy you love then you should have started warming up for it days ago by mentally and physically preparing yourself to be an excited and enthusiastic partner. You should be looking forward to this and you should be ready and able to be pleased.
If you find that other concerns such as work or personal deadlines are easily distracting you from enjoying sex, then you have failed. If you find you need a lot of novelty in your sex life to keep interested, then you have failed.
It isn't easy. If it were every woman would get it right and an awful lot don't.
The video below is only funny if you think that someone being absolutely shameless is funny (warning lots of crudity, vulgar language and absolutely gratuitous cheap shots). Otherwise it is cringe-worthy. I'm in the second camp. I had to force myself to watch it all the way through and I don't recommend anyone else do the same. But watch a few minutes worth at the beginning just to get the idea of where he is going.
You won't be surprised to learn that he is divorced now.
If you didn't listen all the way, it ends with him quite literally reducing his wife to a masturbatory aid. And he thinks it's all her fault!!!
I say all her fault because I am willing to allow that it might be something of her fault. You can never be sure you really know why a marriage went wrong. But all we see in the video is a guy who is a jerk and we don't know how it got that way. But we can tell that a lot of the problem was his doing. Why? Because of what he says at the very beginning. He talks about his sexual needs in terms of pressure release. As if if all that really matters to him is that he gets to let off sexual steam. He was telling his wife that she was essentially a pressure-release valve to him. And then he wonders why she didn't play this role with enthusiasm.
There is a truth lingering here. A man's sexual desire is usually more persistent and consistent than that of the woman he is in love with. I've said before and I'm sure I'll say it again, that any woman who wants a successful relationship with a man needs to see his stronger desires as legitimate. That doesn't mean she has to do everything he wants when he wants it but she has to understand his desires and help him fulfill them and not treat him like some sort of freak for having them.
But what should she really do? Well, let me tell you what I think a woman needs to do to make it work. This all assumes he does his part too.
Let me start with something that will seem crazy: no man is ever impressed that a woman can do things that make him feel so good he has an orgasm. Never. He may think he is impressed and even say so but what really impresses him is how willing she is to do these things.
If you accept this paradox, you begin to see that the single biggest mistake a woman can make in bed is to focus too much on what she can do for him when what she needs to do to impress him sexually is to focus on her willingness, her enthusiasm, her attitude towards sex with him. And I know I've also said this before but it needs to be said again and again, women often hit a giant roadblock here because the key to their being really good in bed can look a lot like selfishness, self indulgence and even narcissism.
It seems much more "giving" to focus on outward things that you can do for him. But let me promise you something, if you do that you will eventually end up feeling that your sex life with him consists of nothing but servicing one another. And that shouldn't surprise you because "doing nice things for him" is just "servicing him" spun positively.
As crazy as this might seem, try tossing all that advice about special sexual techniques and special sexual positions. It just puts a lot of pressure on you to do exotic and difficult things when the familiar and simple things work. The most common sexual techniques—the ones you and every other woman already know how to do—are the best. That is why everyone does them. The fashion industry repeats the same limited set of tricks for women's clothing generation after generation because there really are only a limited number of ways for a woman to make herself feel beautiful. The same is true for sexual positions: most people use just two—face to face with either the man on top or woman on top—most of the time because those two are the best. Hey, what do you know there are some positives to a sexual position where I can look into the eyes and kiss the face of the person I love that you can't get in a position that looks like losing at Twister.
The most important thing a woman can do is to figure out how her mind and body works. Most especially at connecting the two so that she can know that doing and thinking certain things will make her body respond. This is the thing that women fail at. Learn to seduce yourself. Learn how the sexual things you think and sexual the things you do and the sexual ways you dress and the sexual ways you behave affect you. And be honest about and with yourself. Your self image, especially your moral self image, can lead you to pretend you like things you don't or to pretend you don't like things you really do.
You're probably not looking for anything weird or exotic. Sexual behaviour is pretty well mapped out. The trick is not figuring out how to think, move, dress and talk dirty. The trick is figuring out how to get yourself hot and bothered by doing these things. If you can't seduce yourself then no one else will be able to either.
You'll know you have it down once you can do what athletes call timing your peaks. That means getting yourself into the best state of mind and body at the best times for you to be at your peak. Weekends, birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, returns from trips, the middle of your cycle are all easy to keep track of. If today is a special occasion for you and the guy you love then you should have started warming up for it days ago by mentally and physically preparing yourself to be an excited and enthusiastic partner. You should be looking forward to this and you should be ready and able to be pleased.
If you find that other concerns such as work or personal deadlines are easily distracting you from enjoying sex, then you have failed. If you find you need a lot of novelty in your sex life to keep interested, then you have failed.
It isn't easy. If it were every woman would get it right and an awful lot don't.
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