Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Unpacking Lucia

Let's get right into this, here is reason #2 why girls don't like nice guys:
Respect: No one respects a doormat. Nice guys don’t set boundaries or make any real demands. A bad boy doesn’t let a woman walk all over him or control him. Women can’t respect a man they can control.
You know what? I don't believe her. I suspect the exact opposite is the case. The point with bad boys is precisely that you can control them. They are like hungry fish, show them the bait and up they come. Their predatory attitude is what makes it possible for a woman to predict their responses.

This isn't necessarily a good thing and it isn't hard to see where a woman who follows Lucia's advice ends up constantly having to present herself as sexual bait. Just go look at Lucia's slideshow and you'll get the point. My favourite is photo #4 of 35 entitled, "On the set of Rush Hour 3 with Chris Tucker". Check it out. No really, pretend you are one of the Fug girls and nip on over and critique her outfit.

No, I'm serious, don't pretend you're above this because we both know you aren't. Here, let me show you how:
She's wearing an aquamarine, stretch-cotton mini dress. It's not exactly classy all by itself but what makes this particular outfit so irredeemably trashy are the rather odd bumps some undergarment is making through the dress. Don't just read about it go see for yourself. What is she wearing? My guess, is that she is wearing a pair of panties that probably look quite sexy all by themselves but, as you can see, look quite ridiculous when you pull a tight dress over them. The temptation is to cattily say that she probably won't age gracefully.
Anyway, back to the analysis and the rude question:

But what if these women aren't completely crazy?
Love is a sexual bond after all and sex is about having power and others having power over us. And here you can see the appeal. The "bad boy" (you may remember, he was the one who "keeps it real") doesn't conceal his sexual interest in a woman. He wants to take her clothes off and do things to her. That gives her power. Of a sort. It also gives her vulnerability because she doesn't really know where this ride ends. Everyone plays games to win but no one plays a game at which they know they will always win.

Lucia has been very careful not to define what she means by "bad boy". I went to a high school in a really tough, working class neighbourhood in a mill town. I knew a lot of bad boys and I knew a lot of girls who found them attractive. Some of them are in jail now. The line between "bad boy" and "antisocial loser" is a rather hard one to define.

I think the take away point here is that if you want erotic love, you should behave as if that is what you want. The flip side, and where I've seen a lot of guys go wrong, is in failing to evaluate her correctly. If she isn't interested you should give up.

A lot of guys I've known haven't been able to do that. They meet a really nice girl and they can see all sorts of positives: she is attractive, intelligent, has the right values and so forth. Why she is everything I want so it seems like a minor obstacle that she obviously doesn't feel anything for me. Except she sort of disappears in that scenario doesn't she? She becomes a series of qualities that I want and stops being an independent being.

The instinct here is to chicken out. What if she rejects me. Because that is the risk. If you allow her to see that you want her sexually as well as sharing the same values and so forth, she may tell you she doesn't want you. Or she may get increasingly impatient while you don't pick the hint that she isn't interested. And boy is that humiliating.

What advice do I have here? None. You're on your own here guys. Good luck.

I will say this: A funny thing about the seduction guys. The guys who talk about "having game" is how bitter they all are. Go read them. And again, I mean that, go read them. Amongst other things, they, like Lucia, aren't completely crazy. But the thing that will strike you is how bitter they are. They don't hide it either. Every single one of them is a former "nice guy" and they'll tell you right up front.

Part 3 is coming later.

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