The underpants gnome theory of seduction

The fascinating thing about the false dichotomy between being be a nice guy versus be a pick up artist is how much it mirrors South Park's episode about the underpants gnomes. The episode is about a local coffee shop that faces a challenge from a huge coffee company called "Harbucks".

Now what makes the show brilliant is that it doesn't even try and pretend that Harbucks are nice guys. The big chain is portrayed as being only in it for the money. It's on the other side of the equation that the satire hits. For the other side think that because they are nice guys who are locally owned, everyone should buy from them or, at the very least, support a law that will prevent the big company from setting up in town.

Meanwhile there is a parallel plot involving gnomes who steal underpants in order to get rich. And the gnomes have a business plan (image courtesy Wikipedia):

(Philosophy professors must love this for it illustrates a common fallacy.) The point here is that the gnomes business plan is exactly what Harbucks' competitors are advancing.

Phase 1: Be a nice, locally operated business
Phase 2: ?
Phase 3: Collect money

That isn't their real business plan of course. Their real business plan is something more like the following:

Phase 1: Provide a location for people to drink coffee
Phase 2: Insist people pay to get coffee
Phase 3: Collect money.

Of course that is so simple it goes without saying. And it is exactly Harbucks' plan as well. If you want to run a coffeeshop, you have to offer them the coffeeshop itself, the coffee you sell and the price you charge as the reason to come buy from you. The fact that you are a local business run by well-meaning people is irrelevant.


Now it should be obvious that that is not very far from this:

Phase 1: Be a nice guy, a friend and confidant for a  woman
Phase 2: ?
Phase 3: Have sex with her

Not only is this every bit as manipulative as anything the pick up artist might try, it's also ineffective.  It's ineffective because it leaves out that you are selling coffee. If you want sex with a woman, you have to present yourself as a sexual being and you have to make it clear to her that you want sex with her.

Now we could spell out a whole lot of concerns and considerations at this point but it seems to me that this point is so important as to warrant making it a conclusion. You want her! You want to take her clothes off and do things to her! That is why you are here talking to her.

If you really were only interested in being just a nice guy it wouldn't bother you if she didn't have sex with you.