I was on campus for an event on the weekend and the sign on the men's room wall said, "Silence means no".
No it doesn't. Silence doesn't mean yes and it doesn't always mean consent but it can mean consent in many situations. If a woman walking down the street is silent it doesn't mean consent. But it is perfectly reasonable for a guy to assume that a woman who has been out on a date with him and then gone home with him and begun making out does consent if she doesn't say otherwise.
If he is a decent caring guy and he suspects that she may not really be ready for this, he should stop and ask her if she is really comfortable. He should probably do more than that and tell her that nothing has to happen now and he understands perfectly if she would rather call it a night. But that is a moral obligation and not a legal obligation.
In any case, men are not always going to notice and they are not morally or legally obliged to always notice a woman's unexpressed feelings.
And sexual consent is as series of steps. If she doesn't want sex tonight, she should say no early. As in, "No I don't want another drink". And "No I don't want to go someplace else." And, "No I don't want to come to your room and just talk." If she said yes to all those things and he kisses her and starts to put his hand up her shirt and she stays silent, she consented.
The same sign said, "Being drunk means no." Well, depends on what you mean by drunk.
If she is passed out or obviously incapacitated it's sexual assault. Otherwise, if we expect her to know enough not to drive a car when she's drunk, then it's reasonable to expect her to say no to sex when she's drunk if she doesn't want it. If, on the other hand, she thought she wanted sex when she was drunk last night and wishes she hadn't the next morning, that is nobody's problem but hers.
Alcohol it's part of socialization. People get together and they have a few drinks to relax themselves and lower their inhibitions. Go to any bar in the western world and you can see that it is full of people doing this. Go any one of 99 percent of dinner parties and you will see the same thing happening.
And alcohol is also part of the socialization of sex. It's not the only reason and it's not the primary reason people drink socially but it's always there and you can discover it just by paying attention. This is something everyone knows; it's not some deep dark secret that is suddenly sprung on a girl in first year university. Figuring out how our brains and bodies respond to alcohol is something everyone has to do and it is her responsibility to learn about drinking in familiar social situations before she tries it on campus. (Although it must be admitted that stupid laws that make it illegal to drink until you are 19 or 21 don't help.)
In general, these campus rape awareness programs just teach students to be stupid and immature. How hard is it to figure out that if you take a bunch of people at the precise age when they are most easily and frequently aroused sexually (and who've spent their entire lives up to this point sheltered in their parents' home) and send them out on their own with no adult supervision, there will be some of them who end up having sex they will deeply regret? Yes, that's hard on a lot of women (and it's hard on a lot of men) but it's going to happen at some point in their lives and they are supposed to be adults. How about we tell these women to toughen up instead?
This sort of campaign demonizes men and infantilizes women. It does nothing useful for anyone.
No it doesn't. Silence doesn't mean yes and it doesn't always mean consent but it can mean consent in many situations. If a woman walking down the street is silent it doesn't mean consent. But it is perfectly reasonable for a guy to assume that a woman who has been out on a date with him and then gone home with him and begun making out does consent if she doesn't say otherwise.
If he is a decent caring guy and he suspects that she may not really be ready for this, he should stop and ask her if she is really comfortable. He should probably do more than that and tell her that nothing has to happen now and he understands perfectly if she would rather call it a night. But that is a moral obligation and not a legal obligation.
In any case, men are not always going to notice and they are not morally or legally obliged to always notice a woman's unexpressed feelings.
And sexual consent is as series of steps. If she doesn't want sex tonight, she should say no early. As in, "No I don't want another drink". And "No I don't want to go someplace else." And, "No I don't want to come to your room and just talk." If she said yes to all those things and he kisses her and starts to put his hand up her shirt and she stays silent, she consented.
The same sign said, "Being drunk means no." Well, depends on what you mean by drunk.
If she is passed out or obviously incapacitated it's sexual assault. Otherwise, if we expect her to know enough not to drive a car when she's drunk, then it's reasonable to expect her to say no to sex when she's drunk if she doesn't want it. If, on the other hand, she thought she wanted sex when she was drunk last night and wishes she hadn't the next morning, that is nobody's problem but hers.
Alcohol it's part of socialization. People get together and they have a few drinks to relax themselves and lower their inhibitions. Go to any bar in the western world and you can see that it is full of people doing this. Go any one of 99 percent of dinner parties and you will see the same thing happening.
And alcohol is also part of the socialization of sex. It's not the only reason and it's not the primary reason people drink socially but it's always there and you can discover it just by paying attention. This is something everyone knows; it's not some deep dark secret that is suddenly sprung on a girl in first year university. Figuring out how our brains and bodies respond to alcohol is something everyone has to do and it is her responsibility to learn about drinking in familiar social situations before she tries it on campus. (Although it must be admitted that stupid laws that make it illegal to drink until you are 19 or 21 don't help.)
In general, these campus rape awareness programs just teach students to be stupid and immature. How hard is it to figure out that if you take a bunch of people at the precise age when they are most easily and frequently aroused sexually (and who've spent their entire lives up to this point sheltered in their parents' home) and send them out on their own with no adult supervision, there will be some of them who end up having sex they will deeply regret? Yes, that's hard on a lot of women (and it's hard on a lot of men) but it's going to happen at some point in their lives and they are supposed to be adults. How about we tell these women to toughen up instead?
This sort of campaign demonizes men and infantilizes women. It does nothing useful for anyone.
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