There is a Bob Newhart sketch in which he plays a therapist who has patients describe their phobias and then tells them that, next time that happens, "Stop it!" The other day the Serpentine One and I were talking about something and she said, "I know why you like that sketch so much, it's because you really believe it."
She's right. I do.
I think it is one of two basic strategies for dealing with life. The other one comes from the Iron Duke.
I'm a big fan of cognitive therapy. It tells you precisely what to stop. Years ago when going through a rough patch I was reading Esquire, which was still worth reading in those days, and came across the sentence, "Stress isn't the car that cuts you off, it's your reaction".
And you can train yourself to react in healthier ways. Cognitive therapy teaches you how to train yourself. And it works.
A quick aside for any philosophers, that sounds a lot like stoicism because it is a lot like stoicism. But one philosophic response that grows out of stoicism is not very helpful. That is the one that says, "They can do anything they want to me but I can still choose the attitude I am going to take towards it". That may be useful in certain extreme situations where nothing else is available (if you ever find yourself being tortured as a prisoner of war). But it is nonsense to do what some philosophers do (Sartre) and treat all of life that way.
If other people keep doing the same cruel things to you, then you are probably enabling them somehow and need to learn how to stop it. The callous adult who tells the victim of bullying, 'Stop being such a pussy and man up,' may not score high for diplomacy or political correctness but he is right. (That advice goes for women too.)
The second strategy was described by Wellington in a letter to a young man who'd written him asking for help. The advice he gave was this, "As I see it, you've gotten yourself into a dashed difficult situation and now you must work dashed hard to get out of it."
Your welcome.
She's right. I do.
I think it is one of two basic strategies for dealing with life. The other one comes from the Iron Duke.
I'm a big fan of cognitive therapy. It tells you precisely what to stop. Years ago when going through a rough patch I was reading Esquire, which was still worth reading in those days, and came across the sentence, "Stress isn't the car that cuts you off, it's your reaction".
And you can train yourself to react in healthier ways. Cognitive therapy teaches you how to train yourself. And it works.
A quick aside for any philosophers, that sounds a lot like stoicism because it is a lot like stoicism. But one philosophic response that grows out of stoicism is not very helpful. That is the one that says, "They can do anything they want to me but I can still choose the attitude I am going to take towards it". That may be useful in certain extreme situations where nothing else is available (if you ever find yourself being tortured as a prisoner of war). But it is nonsense to do what some philosophers do (Sartre) and treat all of life that way.
If other people keep doing the same cruel things to you, then you are probably enabling them somehow and need to learn how to stop it. The callous adult who tells the victim of bullying, 'Stop being such a pussy and man up,' may not score high for diplomacy or political correctness but he is right. (That advice goes for women too.)
The second strategy was described by Wellington in a letter to a young man who'd written him asking for help. The advice he gave was this, "As I see it, you've gotten yourself into a dashed difficult situation and now you must work dashed hard to get out of it."
Your welcome.
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