Thursday, March 4, 2010

Here he comes

Marianne has fallen and sprained her ankle. Fortunately, there is a hero present and he goes to work:
  A gentleman carrying a gun, with two pointers playing round him, was passing up the hill and within a few yards of Marianne, when her accident happened. He put down his gun and ran to her assistance. She had raised herself from the ground, but her foot had been twisted in the fall, and she was scarcely able to stand. The gentleman offered his services, and perceiving that her modesty declined what her situation rendered necessary, took her up in his arms without farther delay, and carried her down the hill. Then passing through the garden, the gate of which had been left open by Margaret, he bore her directly into the house, whither Margaret was just arrived, and quitted not his hold till he had seated her in a chair in the parlour.

   Elinor and her mother rose up in amazement at their entrance, and while the eyes of both were fixed on him with an evident wonder and a secret admiration which equally sprung from his appearance, he apologized for his intrusion by relating its cause, in a manner so frank and so graceful, that his person, which was uncommonly handsome, received additional charms from his voice and expression. Had he been even old, ugly, and vulgar, the gratitude and kindness of Mrs. Dashwood would have been secured by any act of attention to her child; but the influence of youth, beauty, and elegance, gave an interest to the action which came home to her feelings.
   She thanked him again and again; and with a sweetness of address which always attended her, invited him to be seated. But this he declined, as he was dirty and wet. Mrs. Dashwood then begged to know to whom she was obliged. His name, he replied, was Willoughby, and his present home was at Allenham, from whence he hoped she would allow him the honour of calling to-morrow to inquire after Miss Dashwood. The honour was readily granted, and he then departed, to make himself still more interesting, in the midst of an heavy rain. 

I try to keep my vulgar alter ego out of these discussions but here I think I should allow him to  crudely draw our attention to the unsavoury but undeniable fact that the three women are probably adding as much humidity to this scene as the heavy rain is.

As long as my vulgar alter ego is here ...

... he'd like to add something.

Our hero, as I say, distinguishes himself by his actions. Any remotely creative mind ought to be able to transpose those actions to other situations. In that light, consider the following action (with emphasis added):
The gentleman offered his services, and perceiving that her modesty declined what her situation rendered necessary, took her up in his arms without farther delay, and carried her down the hill.
Any sixteen-and-half-year-old girl who can't distill a good sexual fantasy out of that bit of brew doesn't deserve to be a girl.

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