Womanly virtues Friday ...

Laura Ingraham's dating tips
It's summer and I'm coasting a bit. It hit 108 degrees on our back porch here yesterday.

So low-hanging fruit all around. Yesterday the game guys and today Laura Ingraham. They have more in common than you'd guess.

While deploring sexting, Ingraham let this bit of dating advice slip:

This whole sexting thing has become a type of courting ritual. The fellows want to eye up the merchandise to see if you’re worth the effort. As an old chef once said, “A sure way to kill the appetite is to give away too many hors d’oeuvres.”

Because it's all a game.  Well, that is what that sort of approach says. It says meeting and connecting is a matter of strategy. "Hook a guy with Laura's amazing new guy bait; he won't see the hook until it's too late."

I'll be honest, I've never had much of a technique myself. I've tended to hang out with women I like (which is most of the women I've met) and sometimes something special developed. That was all it took. Eventually something really special developed and I got married I never thought about technique or seduction. It just happened. (And I don't want to intimidate anyone, but that is the way most people do it.)

I did think a whole lot about becoming a certain kind of person. Clean, polite, respectful,  having enough cultural background to have something to talk about, wearing nice clothes ... that sort of thing. But when it came actually interacting with women, I just did it.

Perhaps having three sisters gave me an advantage.

But, you know, when I meet people who have a hard time connecting to others it's generally pretty easy to figure out why they are having trouble. Sometimes it's hard to think of a diplomatic way to explain the problem but it isn't usually very hard to see it. The problem is always the type of person they are rather than some technique they are or are not using. That's why it's hard to put it diplomatically.

Anyway, back to the advice above. As an old timer once put it to me when I was younger, "Do you know when a guy gets the feeling he has seen enough ______?" And when I shook my head, he said, "Never!"

And he is right. It will never happen. No amount of provocative presentation will ever be too much.

Yes, some guys will move on but that isn't because they are glutted but because they are not keen on you, doesn't want a relationship right now or thinks he can do better. But if he really likes you, the chances of your giving him too much of anything sexual are very slim*.

There is a very good reason to go slowly, however. Because that way he will fall in love with you. You can love me or hate me for saying this but a courtship ritual will make him love you. Quick sex will not.

It isn't really much more complicated than that.

I should mention  that when I was in college, there were girls who moved slowly and romantically with guys they were really interested in but went to bed rather quickly with other guys they didn't think so much of to amuse themselves while waiting to meet the really nice guy. It's a great strategy in theory but it causes huge problems when the guy you really care about finds out about the 17 guys you did the walk of shame for. And he will find out. And it will bother him and no amount of assuring him that none of these guys mattered will make him feel better about it.

Sorry, but that is the way it is. We can have a long argument about it someday if you want but it stil won't change anything.

There is a related post here.





* It can happen. Some women have very strong sex drives and some men have very weak sex drives.