I'm not sure how I feel about Newt Gingrich. He doesn't strike me as a dependable, solid guy and his marriage history is an embarrassment. But no matter how you feel about him, you can't deny that his ex-wife's recent appearance on ABC news has had no impact on his popularity.
No negative impact that is. For if there has been any change, the man is more popular than he was before she made her charges.
It's actually the second time she has gone public with her complaints. The last time was for magazine interview a few years ago. That time no one paid attention. She must now be wishing they had done so again.
Here's the thing: Don't bad mouth your ex. Men make this mistake less often. Not because we are better people but because no one puts up with it from us. When women do it, we all clench our teeth and nod sympathetically, "Gee, how awful for you."
But that is just outside. Inside we're thinking, "Isn't this the same guy she was gaga about and bragging about how good it was with him just a while ago?"
And if there is one thing worse than complaining about your ex, it's still complaining about him years later. "What? You're not over this yet? What's wrong with you?" Again, very few people will say this to the woman complaining but we're thinking it. And we'll certainly say it behind her back. And then we'll make an effort to be nice to her ex the next time we see him.
And if there is one thing worse than still complaining to your friends about your ex years after the fact, it's going public with your complaints as the ex-Ms. Gingrich has done. "What a mean, vindictive, spiteful ____ she is," we all say to just about anyone who happens to be willing to listen.
(As I've said before, another reason you really, really, really don't want to tell all your best girlfriends what a horrible bastard your ex was and how glad you are to be rid of him is that one of them will almost certainly see this as justifying her having an affair with him now that you're out of the way. I'll spare you the details but trust me, I know whereof I speak here.)
In addition to all the above, eventually your complaints will sound hollow even to you. After all, you once chose this person. The worse you make them sound, the worse your judgment looks. And, crazy as this may sound now, you don't want to convince yourself that you wasted part of your life with this guy. You need to find something good in this to take forward.
Here's the trick: Say nothing but nice things about your ex. It can be done. I did it, you can too. You don't have to mean them at first because everyone knows you don't. But they will credit you for behaving in a generous, noble and dignified way and it will make your ex look even worse than they already do if he or she chooses to bad mouth you.
Don't go overboard in your praise. The less said the better but what you do say should be positive.
The first and most important thing to do is to admit that you regret the break up. Don't suggest you want the guy back even if you do. Just say you had a lot invested in this and you hoped it would work and now that it's over, you're suffering. "I really liked the guy and when it was good it was very good."
Practice your responses. Walk around your place saying them out loud. You'll be able to pick out the things that sound hollow.
Practice behaving like someone who is over it now when you aren't.
No negative impact that is. For if there has been any change, the man is more popular than he was before she made her charges.
It's actually the second time she has gone public with her complaints. The last time was for magazine interview a few years ago. That time no one paid attention. She must now be wishing they had done so again.
Here's the thing: Don't bad mouth your ex. Men make this mistake less often. Not because we are better people but because no one puts up with it from us. When women do it, we all clench our teeth and nod sympathetically, "Gee, how awful for you."
But that is just outside. Inside we're thinking, "Isn't this the same guy she was gaga about and bragging about how good it was with him just a while ago?"
And if there is one thing worse than complaining about your ex, it's still complaining about him years later. "What? You're not over this yet? What's wrong with you?" Again, very few people will say this to the woman complaining but we're thinking it. And we'll certainly say it behind her back. And then we'll make an effort to be nice to her ex the next time we see him.
And if there is one thing worse than still complaining to your friends about your ex years after the fact, it's going public with your complaints as the ex-Ms. Gingrich has done. "What a mean, vindictive, spiteful ____ she is," we all say to just about anyone who happens to be willing to listen.
(As I've said before, another reason you really, really, really don't want to tell all your best girlfriends what a horrible bastard your ex was and how glad you are to be rid of him is that one of them will almost certainly see this as justifying her having an affair with him now that you're out of the way. I'll spare you the details but trust me, I know whereof I speak here.)
In addition to all the above, eventually your complaints will sound hollow even to you. After all, you once chose this person. The worse you make them sound, the worse your judgment looks. And, crazy as this may sound now, you don't want to convince yourself that you wasted part of your life with this guy. You need to find something good in this to take forward.
Here's the trick: Say nothing but nice things about your ex. It can be done. I did it, you can too. You don't have to mean them at first because everyone knows you don't. But they will credit you for behaving in a generous, noble and dignified way and it will make your ex look even worse than they already do if he or she chooses to bad mouth you.
Don't go overboard in your praise. The less said the better but what you do say should be positive.
The first and most important thing to do is to admit that you regret the break up. Don't suggest you want the guy back even if you do. Just say you had a lot invested in this and you hoped it would work and now that it's over, you're suffering. "I really liked the guy and when it was good it was very good."
Practice your responses. Walk around your place saying them out loud. You'll be able to pick out the things that sound hollow.
Practice behaving like someone who is over it now when you aren't.
i think this is all true if its just an average relationship you are talking about. but if the ex was the verbally, sexually, psychologically, emotionally, physically abusive ex, then i think the complaints are valid and the offended party, usually a woman, has all the rights to ventilate.
ReplyDeleteShe certainly has a right to feel hurt and angry. Sometimes, though, and this was one of those cases, ventilating ends up hurting you more than helping.
ReplyDelete