Is it a coincidence that most of our friends find their soulmates and then start having babies all within the same few years of each other? Of course not.I can testify to that. I have watched women I've known ruin their own and their children's lives by deciding to get divorced shortly after a female friend did. There is a whole lot of evidence that all sorts of correlations hold. If someone you know commits suicide, the odds of your doing so go way up to.
There is a big social component to the times at which we each decide to make major life decisions like marriage — including, research suggests, when and if those marriages end.
According to a study conducted across three US universities, you’re 75 percent more likely to get divorced if at least one member of your close friendship circle ends their marriage.
Yep, 75 percent.
"If Johnny jumped off a cliff, would you jump off too?" Well, actually ...
But notice something about that lead I quote in the header: "Rosie was never expecting to wind up single at 30." As we read on in the article it is either stated explicitly or implied that these women either left their husbands or mutually agreed with their husbands to end their marriages. And yet the article speaks of these events in passive terms, as if this was something that happened to these women instead of, what it was, something they decided to do. How does something you've chosen to do become something that happened to you?
The answer to that is: When you have failed to become a morally responsible adult. That's the way children think.
Jordan Peterson's advice isn't the only way a woman-child like the women in the article could fix themselves but it's good advice. Especially rules two and three:
Rule 2 Treat yourself like you would someone you are responsible for helpingThe expert quoted in the NY Post piece is directly confronted with the second issue only to counter it an empty platitude.
Rule 3 Make friends with people who want the best for you
So what is the lesson in all this? Should we be choosing our friends based on the strength of their marriages in order to innoculate our own against failure?Yeah. Here's an example of an early intervention: Lisa decided to leave Joe early in their marriage. And here's an open communication: I hate you! You can see how those might not help.
Dan reckons early intervention and open communication is a better option.
Here's what I think. We all make friends we later need to get rid of. It can be fun and even liberation to hang around with some irresponsible jerks at college and immediately thereafter. Then it gets to be time to move on. You keep hanging around with jerks and that's going to mess up your life.