Saturday, December 2, 2017
Sex with her ex
I keep thinking about those women who have sex with one of their best girlfriend's ex. Or, rather, I keep thinking about why this offends us so. I don' think we're wrong to think this. I especially don't think the woman who discovers that one of her friends had an affair with her ex is wrong to feel that way. That said, coming up with good reasons to justify the feeling of being offended is difficult.
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That's easy to explain based on the assumption that men are polygamous and women are hypergamous (we are talking about premarital sex, so this is post-Christian, so monogamy is no longer a frame of reference). Obviously, in any relationship, the man's polygamy and woman's hypergamy cannot be both fully realized, so this is a struggle that often leads to the dissolution of the relationship.
ReplyDeleteCase 1. He, being polygamous, dumped her for variety. The best girlfriend helps him obtain the variety, even if she is not the first women he sleeps with afterwards.
Case 2. She, being hypergamous, dumps him for a guy with a higher status. The girlfriend proves she was wrong assesing his and her relative status (best girlfriend is bound to have a similar status).
I think you're in the right ballpark.
DeleteI'm interested in women's behaviour here. All my life I've heard women complain that someone they thought was their best girlfriend moved in on their ex really fast. I was in two serious relationships before I got married and when I broke up with those women I found myself being "consoled" by some of their best girlfriends, in one case before the actual breakup. I don't here similar stories from men. And when I read websites aimed at women and I always find an article about how doing such a thing is a horrible betrayal to a friend. You don't find similar warnings on sites aimed at men. I think that tells us something important: no one puts signs up saying "keep off the grass" except when they know that people are already walking on the grass.
I've written a much fuller response, I wouldn't call it an answer but Blogger won't let me publish it here because it is too long. I'll put it all in a new post.