Being a man

The video I linked the other day got a telling response on Facebook from someone who calls himself "Star Man Aquarius"

The bottom message of this video isn't entirely clear. Men around the world exist in various ways. There are archetypical masculine men, and there are archetypical feminine men. But all of them are MEN, and every man in this planet behaves differently from the other. 

The problem I notice in the content of this discourse is that authentic behavior (with its weak and strong sides) is dismissed in front of mythical and archetypical behavior.
If my grandfather was abusive against men and women, and this is my family's core belief, I certainly would be avoiding evolution by just imitating my grandfather until I get to act just as he did, rejecting and approving the same ideas and ways of living like he did; never questioning or simply evolving such ideas, or habits, etc. 

Mmm... I'm sorry but this is just not entirely convincing. (To find the original, log onto face book and find the Art of Manliness page. and scroll down until you find the video.)

I don't post this to mock. Amongst other things, English is obviously not SMA's first language. It also takes a certain amount of intestinal fortitude to call yourself "Star Man Aquarius" and I admire that, although I'd never use a handle like that myself. That said, the most stunning thing about this argument is it's weakness. Not a logical weakness. There is little logic there because there doesn't need to be. SMA sets a very low bar for himself. The argument he advances is really an excuse for remaining weak.

In the first paragraph he says that there are archetypal masculine and archetypal effeminate role models but that all men are men. Well, yes, if your standard for being a man is having an X chromosome and a Y chromosome. If you think men should actually be good at being men, however, SMA has nothing to offer you.

Now, consider the word archetypal. If you you check the video, Brett MacKay doesn't talk about archetypes. He talks about becoming the sort of man you want to be. The man you want to be! There is no archetype in that. Now what I suspect SMA sees that Mackay clearly has a particular model of manhood in mind and SMA is not big on machismo. Elsewhere he writes:

You can see this nice moustached guy talking to us about manliness in a very elegant way, and you can see him carrying an axe, too. He talks about «the circle of men», personal heroes, politicians, philosophers and also modern psychologists. All these very «successful» men -in the public eye.- 

But he isn't talking about the «other ones». The little ones. The uncourageous ones. The ones that aren't heroes, that are sensitive, sentimental, etc. And we haven't got yet to the homoparental stuff (these are men too!), gay issues, etc, etc.

Again, English is obviously not SMA's first language and we see that he clearly misses the playful irony implied by the axe. But he is also pushing weakness; he is the sort of man that Nietzsche deplored.

I mean, if you really want to be like Liberace, then go ahead and be like Liberace. SMA's problem is that he wants society to help him become what he already is. He thinks society should love the little ones (I think he means "weak" when he says "little"), the uncourageous ones, the non-heroic ones, the sensitive ones and the sentimental ones. And society doesn't. It just doesn't and no one is going to make SMA king of the world any time soon. And why should it make him anything given that he is so little interested in making anything of himself.

And don't get fooled by the gay issues red herring here. Gay men are perfectly capable of being strong, courageous, unemotional and laconic as heterosexual men are. SMA is pushing gay stereotypes while pretending to be sensitive to gay issues.

But I relate because I would have agreed with him when I was younger. I was everything that he was and I had learned how to be helpless. It took me the entire 1980s to turn it around.

Notice these lines from the third paragraph:

If my grandfather was abusive against men and women, and this is my family's core belief, I certainly would be avoiding evolution by just imitating my grandfather until I get to act just as he did, rejecting and approving the same ideas and ways of living like he did; never questioning or simply evolving such ideas, or habits, etc.

That's a wacky argument because nowhere does MacKay say to blindly imitate the values that predominate in your family. He advises finding men who typify the man you want to be and imitating them. If your grandfather was an asshole, pick someone else!

Now that is obvious which suggests to me that SMA's problem is not that he can't figure out a way out of his trap but that he won't. There are thousands of male role models to follow, what SMA lacks is the courage to pick a type and follow it.

Now, you may be thinking (and SMA himself might say, if he were here) that MacKay's ideal man is pretty typical in the set of virtues he embodies. Well, the first thing I'd say is that you're just wrong if you think that. How many men like that are there? Not many. On the other hand, if the question is, "How many pasty-faced, physically weak, metrosexuals are there out there who think of themselves as individuals even though there are a dime a dozen? Well, there are a lot of them.

And I think the question you'd want to ask yourself if you are one of these men is, Do you really like and admire men who are just like you? Maybe you do but do yourself the favour of asking yourself honestly. There is solid evidence out here that effeminate men rate other effeminate men as lacking something. If that is your problem, there are two ways to solve it. 1) You can stop being effeminate yourself or 2) you can start evaluating other effeminate men more positively. What you can't do is keep on doing what you are. You need to pick a lane and drive in it.

For some good advice on the topic, go here.