Monday, March 3, 2014

From now on, I'll be Socrates

A friend of mine encouraged all her Facebook friends to do one of those dumb Buzzfeed quizzes. This one was to determine which philosopher you are.

Okay, waste of time.

But it turned out to be useful in an unexpected way. I answered the questions by picking the options I thought a good person would (meaning the person I thought I should want to be) the first time through and got told I was most like Kant. Words cannot say how little I want to be like Kant. So I did it again and decided to answer the questions as I would if I didn't care about anyone or anything. My answers are below. They are provided without context because the context in this case is meaningless (but if you must know, click here and do the quiz for yourself first).
  1. I decided chastity was the most over-rated virtue because getting rid of it would be very convenient. 
  2. I picked Bree Van Der Kamp as desperate housewife because her facial expression in the photograph the quiz provides makes me want to hate her so I figured she deserved to be desperate. 
  3. I picked “vegetarians are annoying to be around” because they are. 
  4. I picked mayonnaise as my favourite condiment as a way of doubling down on those irritating scolds who tell me what I should or shouldn’t eat. 
  5. I picked "I’m never bad" because I don’t [suppressed gerund] care what you think of me. 
  6. I picked Gossip Girl because I wish more women were like Serena and I damn well don’t care if that makes anyone feel threatened. 
  7. I picked cooking for Saturday activity because it’s true. 
  8. I picked Barcelona because I thought the girls there looked hotter than any other European city. 
  9. I chose to make an excuse to not see my grandmother. 
  10. And I picked “feeling cheeky” for reasons that shouldn’t need any explaining. 
And for that, the quiz tells me that I am most like Socrates. It says,
If you don’t understand something, you’re not afraid to ask questions about it. You try your hardest to be a moral person and don’t value material possessions very highly.
And it got me thinking, why not approach all life's challenges like this? If it has so little effect on the results, why not just do the things and express the opinions I would if I didn't care what anyone thought of me? You know, I think I've just decided what to give up for Lent.

I kid you not.

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