Time has a piece up called "Why sex doesn't gross you out when you're aroused". Here are the intro paragraphs. First paragraph one:
Virtually every nine year old boy is a little put off by girls and yet we all assume that they'll be just fine by their thirteenth birthday. And, no matter how correct and generous you try to be about these things, if I told you about an adult male whose marriage had failed because he found women's bodies repulsive, you'd be tempted to laugh at him.
Told a similar tale about a woman, we'd sympathize. We'd hope, for her sake, that she could get over this, but we wouldn't find it terribly shocking.
And this for perfectly good reasons. She consents to more than the man does. She gets penetrated, he doesn't. She might get pregnant. She is left more emotionally vulnerable by the experience. Her orgasm releases all sorts of oxytocin, making her fall in love with him. His orgasm releases hormones that make him feel content and comfortable.
A while ago, I got to talk with a police officer who did high level drug cases. At one point he was talking about how drug dealers need to corrupt bankers to launder money and that a favourite trick is to send a member of the opposite sex to seduce the target. But he said that there was a fascinating difference between the way drug dealers blackmail women versus men.
To blackmail the female banker, they would show her a video that they had secretly taken of her obviously enjoying sex with another man, a video in which she said appreciative and suggestive things to a man not her husband, a video in which she enthusiastically performed sex acts and in which she had an orgasm. The woman always instantly caves when shown such a thing. She fears, and with good reason, that her marriage will be ruined because her husband will never get over it.
But a similar approach does not work as reliably on a male banker. Shown such a video, he might just take his chances and ask his wife for forgiveness. That is no problem for the drug dealers because they have another approach. As the officer said to me, it all comes down to three words: "I love you". That's what they use. They play the man a tape of him telling the woman he is having an affair with that he loves her. And the man instantly caves. He fears and with good reason, that his marriage will be ruined because his wife will never get over it.
A woman surrenders herself sexually in ways a man does not and cannot do. That is why it is harder for her to do in the first place and why it is so incredibly important that she do so and continue to do so in marriage.
If you think about it, sex is actually sort of disgusting, what with all the sweat, saliva, fluids and smells. So much so that a group of researchers from the Netherlands got to thinking, How do people enjoy sex at all?Notice the word that I have emphasized: "people". Now notice that by the second paragraph it becomes clear that neither the author nor the scientists who did the study meant people in general. They meant a rather specific group of people.
According to their small new study, people — at least women — may be able to get over the “ick” factor associated with sex by getting turned on. Sexual arousal overrides the natural disgust response, the researchers found, and allows women to willingly engage in behaviors that they might normally find repugnant.This article and study are about women. Because nobody really wonders why men get over the possible icky aspects of sex do they? And it is odd that we don't wonder because we know that some men are repulsed by sex. And yet you don't worry even for a second that most men might find it troubling do you?
Virtually every nine year old boy is a little put off by girls and yet we all assume that they'll be just fine by their thirteenth birthday. And, no matter how correct and generous you try to be about these things, if I told you about an adult male whose marriage had failed because he found women's bodies repulsive, you'd be tempted to laugh at him.
Told a similar tale about a woman, we'd sympathize. We'd hope, for her sake, that she could get over this, but we wouldn't find it terribly shocking.
And this for perfectly good reasons. She consents to more than the man does. She gets penetrated, he doesn't. She might get pregnant. She is left more emotionally vulnerable by the experience. Her orgasm releases all sorts of oxytocin, making her fall in love with him. His orgasm releases hormones that make him feel content and comfortable.
A while ago, I got to talk with a police officer who did high level drug cases. At one point he was talking about how drug dealers need to corrupt bankers to launder money and that a favourite trick is to send a member of the opposite sex to seduce the target. But he said that there was a fascinating difference between the way drug dealers blackmail women versus men.
To blackmail the female banker, they would show her a video that they had secretly taken of her obviously enjoying sex with another man, a video in which she said appreciative and suggestive things to a man not her husband, a video in which she enthusiastically performed sex acts and in which she had an orgasm. The woman always instantly caves when shown such a thing. She fears, and with good reason, that her marriage will be ruined because her husband will never get over it.
But a similar approach does not work as reliably on a male banker. Shown such a video, he might just take his chances and ask his wife for forgiveness. That is no problem for the drug dealers because they have another approach. As the officer said to me, it all comes down to three words: "I love you". That's what they use. They play the man a tape of him telling the woman he is having an affair with that he loves her. And the man instantly caves. He fears and with good reason, that his marriage will be ruined because his wife will never get over it.
A woman surrenders herself sexually in ways a man does not and cannot do. That is why it is harder for her to do in the first place and why it is so incredibly important that she do so and continue to do so in marriage.
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